i found out the bread monster's name at the toys shop in illuma. its do-mo-kun if my japanese can be trusted :)

***

i'm a childish person, i thought you knew. i adore kuromi, hello kitty, and anything cute and pink. i love fantasy because dreams do come true and they always have happily-ever-after endings. i'm never sophisticated or a couture-chasing chick.

so i'm childish in thought as well. i will miss, love and need you more if i don't see you. i thought if you don't see me, you will come to miss, love and need me more. how very silly.

i don't think you're ever going to accept me for being a christian. i love god and that's not going to change because i've seen the goodness of god and i feel happy knowing him. it's a spiritual need, though i've already become as un-christian-like as i thought you would want me to be. but you even take offence at me saying that i live a blessed life. you're so anti-christ and i wonder who made you hate god so much that you even reject prayers for you.

i have time to go for breakfasts almost every morning this week. shiok ah! :D

tomorrow's end of term service! :D:D:D byebye boys! i'm certainly breathing a huge sigh of relief, though i still have sec3 extended curriculum the whole of next week and the taiwan trip next friday.


one of my dearest friend, alethiea gets eaten up by my bread cushion. anyone know its name?

everybody commented on my eyes today. sighs.

promotion was done in a jiffy, the sec 2s and 3s did pretty well this year. but im sad that nic teo had to be laterally transferred to NA. he's a very bright boy, just very lazy. being 5n1's form teacher of 2 years, i know nic will slack again next year, and only pick up in sec 5, like the rest of my formerly express boys. he's just wasting one year. at least mervyn got advanced.

frankly speaking i'm very sad to give up my sec 3s next year. these are genuinely nice kids with the right attitude in life, a vastly different cohort from my 4Ns. i know i will get weird classes next year because i'm neither here nor there. i just pray that i will get 3n pure geog, 4n pure geog, 1 lower sec geog class and maybe 2 english classes, hopefully not nt. i have had 2 years of nt already, i need a break!

must keep busy so that i don't start crying. the demotion case has finally been settled, thank God for robin who helped me draft the letter. i'm just going to send the official letters to the boys' parents today.

on a side note, congrats to myself =) i'm an BB officer with effect from today. soldier of God.

and oh ya, i'm planning to buy a hamster (or 2!) this week. keep myself happy =)

cry cry cry.
did stupid things today.
got time for everyone else. arm wrestling too.
freaking painful.

i must trust and obey.

a very tiring day, had to pia my results analysis and do sai-gang for the overseas immersion programme. but i'm looking forward to taiwan =) hope i'll be free from everything that gets me upset. also happy that bin choo seemed okay with me arranging for a sabah trip next year. sabah leh! can do rainforest management and rivers!

***

it took me 8 sms drafts and half an hour to decide whether to sms him that i was eventually dragged out by angel because i was crying non-stop after his phonecall in school just now. wait he say i lie again zzz. but if i sms him that i wasn't ok then he would want to pick a fight with me again, that i was hinting whatsoever like just now. i'm really very down.. i really need him to be like who he used to be and pamper, dote etc on me so that i know he is still the person i fell in love with. i just want my old darling back, the one who called me his princess and bb.

i didn't want to go out seriously but i think the drinks were good, at least i know i'll definitely pass out tonight with no bad dreams and be oblivious to everything. thank god she had to stay because of cockpit admin work.

***

microblogging is very useful for working professionals. where got time to think essay!

i'm going to use tumblr as a form of communications with my kids next year too. see whether to make it an extension of my wikispaces project or to discard that completely.

i just kena f-ed for not doing my job for bb. i honestly don't care when i'm emotionally too distressed to function properly. i'm leaving next year anyway.

i think this is the depression thing again.

i actually ignored angel and daniel's calls just now.

i can't eat, i can't stop crying, i don't feel anything, i cant do anything, i don't want to see anybody but him, i'm just so very needy now. i need, i need, i really do need.

but i'm just going to be last in his priorities.

this is very familiar and i really cant help it. i can so hear u say you can but you don't want to do anything about it. u didn't either when they got sick.

so it seems we have come to an end.

i'm made enough sacrifices. the worst part about the whole shit-ass situation is realising that you don't think i've sacrificed. have i been upset when you go to the temple? do i give you the queer look and say the very pointed "OK..." when i told you that i went to church?

i'm not going to listen to your rationalisations. why does everything need to be so clearly spelt out? a relationship is about love and acceptance. i was encouraged by friends in such situations who have loved ones who were able to accept each others' differences. they didn't have to list down what they could do and what they could not do.

i'm very hurt. very deeply hurt. when i say you have to "win" me back i mean that you should think about whether you can accept these differences. stop lying to me already. i have my flaws but you promised. you minded. you changed.

i've applied to leave.



but how can i bear to leave them?

my 24th birthday was a very sweet day indeed =)))

i had remedial for 4N1 and 4N2 on that day which was a rather depressing thing, i mean, who wants to work on their birthdays? ~_~ however, my form class boys and darling made the day very sweet for me =)

i may whine alot about the boys in my school, but i know that many of them are really good boys deep down inside, just lazy and rude at times. the guys in my my form class are especially nice, angel and jason will not hesitate to agree with me on that.

so my chairman planned a surprise for me on my birthday, which involved him getting a cake from rive (located at plaza singapura, their chocolate cakes are quite heavenly) and another boy writing a card for me.


the wordings on the cake made it exceptionally sweet =)


some of my form class boys. technically speaking, i cant allow them to enter my classroom if they're not properly dressed in school shirts and pants, but it means that i'll have to kick half of them out. sighs. last day of remedial, close one eye >.<


close-up of my birthday card

this is one of the many little gestures that keep teachers going. a boy coming up to me and apologising for his wrong-doings, another who thanks me for helping him solve a particular nasty problem, or even one who tries his best do well in a test.. i appreciate my boys alot, and hope that some will apreciate me too.


***

next up, darling's birthday surprise for me =)

2nd friend's wedding of the year.. and this time it's kershin's turn. shin's husband looks young, though he's supposed to be way older than shin. lucky chap to marry such a pretty wife hehe. they are both pe teachers, so i guess there were quite a few teacher guests in the crowd. me including! :P

i had fun catching up with my primary school friends, and some of them were people whom i haven't seen in like 12 years. liqin is now ray, though he still behaves in the old cheekyliqin manner, sheena is happening sheena now, grace is still the same classy grace from primary school, though slimmer and more graceful now.


the wedding dinner venue was meritus mandarin grand ballroom and shin had many many tables. i wouldn't be able to afford so many! >.<


on one side of the table - lloyd, kokwai, gerard, liqin, xiwen, sheena; all grown-up now!


the other side of the table - cindy, me, grace and pohchoonhow whom i honestly have no recollections of >.<


with the pretty bride =)

my school boasts of spacious working cubicles which include U-shaped desks so there's lots of room. a pretty waste of space actually, because many teachers are holed up in their homerooms most of the time.


my pile of marking. 5 classes of geog and 3 classes of el compo. disgusting.